Oh hum ho...here we go

I'm really having trouble with looking forward to the future right now!! I went to my follow up appointment a few days ago and the doctor says that everything is perfectly fine with my uterus, ovaries and fallopian tubes and that I should have absolutely no problem conceiving and having a healthy baby! That was good news but at the same time bad news. I feel like all of this is happening for no logical reason and there is nothing we can do to increase our chances of having a healthy baby! So now every time I conceive I will be a nervous wreck, because there will be nothing I can do to stop another loss.

I also feel like my faith and hope will be so shaky that I won't be able to trust that God will give me baby #3!! I really, really, want to trust him! I just feel that I trusted him with the first two and look what happened ... why would the third time be any different?!?

I'm just so angry that so many people I know just fly smoothly through marriage right into having children and I have already lost two children and have a crippling fear of never having any!! My husband and I have the biggest strain that could ever be put on a marriage and I see these other people complaining about their children and all the small little nothing problems they have because of them and I just want to sock them in the face!! I would give anything to have just ONE child and they can't seem to learn how to keep from having one right after the other and they have the audacity to complain about it!

First off use protection if you think your life sux so much the more children you have, second don't pop these children out and then complain that they are there, because they are the most precious gifts from God and lastly don't talk about it in front of someone you know who has lost 2 freekin children!!!!!!!!!!

It all really comes down to being selfish and realizing that children are the most amazing gift that God will ever give someone!! I guess I'm just so sick of seeing people complain about Gods most awesome creation!! Oh Lord help me!!!! I need a child and I need to learn how to not want to hurt those who don't appreciate theirs!!!! I NEED so much prayer it's not even funny!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!