Deep Breaths!!

Just saw our specialist yesterday. Rylan decided to wave hello to us during the ultrasound. :) I will be 25 weeks tomorrow ... only 13 more weeks to go, which to most pregnant women is the final stretch, but to me it feels like just the beginning!! I know that I can't really rely on kick counts until I'm about 28 weeks but on the days that I feel less movement I really start to freak out!!

I wish I could look at this pregnancy differently then I have to!!!! Right now I am feeling this griping fear that I won't get to hold my baby Rylan happy and healthy in the end! I'm so scared that any second will be the last second of his life!! Last time only 3 more months scared me for a whole different reason, I was afraid to think that I would be raising a child in such a short amount of time and now I'm afraid I won't be raising a child ever! It's hard because I don't know how to not be paranoid every time I do or don't feel something and it drives my husband insane because he just wants to make me feel better but he can't. I wish there was some formula that could make all the fear just go away!!!!!!! I just really NEED these last few months to go by as fast as they possibly can!!!!!! I am just SO ready to be holding my baby Rylan healthy, safe and sound in my arms staring up at me with love!!!! If I get there that day will be the most amazing day of my entire life!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

To whomever is reading please pray that I don't go insane before my C-section and that I have a healthy baby boy in the end!!!!

Well there is our baby Rylan! :) We saw the specialist on Nov. 8th and he said that as of now everything looks great and all the screening tests came back negative. Finding out it was a boy was an amazing moment! It took the nurse 2 tries and 1 from the doctor to finally get a definitive yes "It's a boy" from them though!

I have my good days, I have my bad days and I have my I'm not getting out of bed days. :-/ My hubby is actually dealing with my craziness really well! I feel bad because some days I fly off the handle at people over little things and other days I'm just as happy as can be. My co-workers must think I'm insane! LOL I have to have x-rays and dental work done due to a filling that cracked and fell out so I'm nervous about that (even though my doctor says it's perfectly okay to have this done while pregnant). Every little thing I feel (related to my pregnancy or not) freaks me out! I wonder "could this potentially harm my baby?!?" It really sux feeling like this and it sux that I will feel like this for the remainder of my pregnancy! I think that the worry might subside when I can feel my baby Rylan moving more then I am right now because I will be able to stop, if I'm feeling worried, and see if he's still kicking. As of right now it's kind of hit and miss, if he's in the right spot type of thing.

All I know is I SO can not wait to get to 39 weeks!!!!!!!!!!! I am so ready to have a happy healthy baby in my arms!!!!!! I'm hoping that at my next appt. I can get my doctor to set a date for my C-section ... I know they don't usually set them this far out but my parents need to get plane tickets and I just really really NEED a date to look forward to!!

Here's to hoping that baby Rylan will be here in the end of March healthy and ready to come home!