So, over the weekend I had a much needed girls day out with two of my girlfriends. We enjoyed a 5 1/2 hour day of shopping! :~) When we were at the mall I decided I needed to have some fun and try on some fancy prom dresses. I found this one that I kind of fell in love with and would SO love to buy! (but, it's just a tad too expensive.) Well anyway, they also have wedding dresses and bridesmaid dresses at this same store. So, naturally there is a lady in the dressing room helping out the brides and anyone else (like a push the sale type of lady) and when I was done with my dress I handed it to her and she took it back out to where it was. When she came back in she saw my shirt (I was wearing my Jude memorial shirt) and she asked me about it and I told her that it was for my son that had passed away 7 days after birth and why. At the very end of my story I mentioned to her that I was now pregnant again. She then smile and hugged me. At first I heard her talking while she was hugging me, it wasn't until I heard her say Lord that I realized she was praying for me! (tear!) She prayed that God would bless this new baby and that I would be able to take this baby home and raise it. Then we said Amen together and she smiled at me and said "You better bring that baby in when it's born, cuz I want to see it, okay!?" Then I turn to see my friend Christina almost in tears and I said "Christina you can't cry cuz I didn't cry and if you cry then you'll make me cry!" LOL Then my friend Megan comes out of her dressing stall and says "Whoa, what's going on, why is Christina about to cry!?" Christina tells Megan about the lady and what she did and then says how sweet she was. And I started to think about it and I realized that she was really sweet and that she didn't have to do what she did, but, she did! I hugged and thanked her one more time before I left the store and I found myself thanking God for pushing me to go into that dress store!
Little things like that help me realize that God is everywhere we are and he is in everything that happens whether we see it or not!!
I am trying so hard not to be crippled with fear in all of this! I know that God is here and he has his hands all over this baby, me and my husband right at this very moment, but, I have trouble handling the fact that he was also there with Jude! I know there is a reason for all of this. I just can't help thinking that there is a possibility that I could go through this again! The pain was so great that I don't ever want to experience it again!! Either through a miscarriage, still birth, infant loss, losing them as a teenager or losing them as an adult! Losing a child shakes up your world like you will never know! (unless you have experienced the loss of a child.) Nothing is the same. You suddenly see all the possibilities of pain! All I can do at this moment in time is take everything one day at a time and cherish every milestone my baby and I pass together and every other moment after that!
Pray that God will sustain and comfort us through these next 9 months of fearful expectations and pray that the best will be the outcome!
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