I'm feeling a little more hopeful tonight. I was talking to God a little while ago and just asking him to give me hope and faith that whatever happens whenever it happens I will be able to handle it and know that it is His will and that no matter what it is He will carry me through. Now granted thats easier said then acted upon I feel tonight like I might actually, finally be getting there! Wether or not I am pregnant this month I am just going to accept it and not dwell and not be anxious! I came to a kind of revelation the other day I realized that God is not going to give me a baby to renew my faith and hope rather He will give me one when I choose to let Him and Him only renew it. No act from God should be necessary and until I fully grasp that I think I will not get pregnant. I have no right to say when God gives me a healthy baby then I will have hope and faith again. I never should have lost my hope and faith and until I see that things will be rocky!!
So tonight I will go to sleep with a new mindset. Whatever happens was meant to happen for whatever reason. It's all in God's plan and I need to accept His will for my life! The road will not be easy but He never said it would be. It's not all roses and sunflowers following His path for my life but in the end it will be worth more then I could ever imagine! I just pray that God will give me the strength to get through whatever else He has in my path and become stronger in my hope and faith ... stronger then I ever believed!
I thank God for my trials, happy moments, friendships, parents, in-laws and family. He has truly blessed me and I will be glad! :~) Pray that I can keep this state of mind!!!!
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