Still pushing through the pain.

If you know me then you know my story. If not I will give the short version. I lost my first and so far only son after only 7 days of life. He had a stroke while in the womb and never recovered. While those where the hardest 7 days I have ever experienced in my life I am better for it! God has grown me beyond anything I ever imagined!! Although losing my son is something I wished would have never happened I am still grateful that something good can and will continue to come out of it!!

So now that everyone knows my story lets get onto what I want to say tonight.

I decided to read the book of Jude tonight. I have been wanting to for quite some time but I couldn't seem to bring myself to it. So I start off and right away the first verse makes me cry!! Jude 1:1 Jude a servant of Jesus Christ and brother of James. Seeing my husbands name so close to Jude made me cry so hard! I always thought that when I first saw that it would be when I was writing some cute story about the two of them, but, instead I find myself reading it in Jude's memory. Then I find myself crying at that fact! It's a miracle that I was able to keep reading!! Then Jude v. 20 made my cry again. Jude 1:20 but, you beloved, build yourselves up in your most holy faith; pray in the holy spirit; It's like Jude is telling me to stay strong! I need to build myself up in faith instead of killing my spirit with all the what if's and I need to pray and realize that God still loves me and never left me! I know God is going through this pain with me and I know that He has a reason for this, possibly more then one reason :~), but, that doesn't make losing Jude any easier!!!! I'm just glad I know God, otherwise, I don't think I would be as strong as I am right now. I just pray that God will help me continue down this path and come out on the other side of light and not darkness! As hard as this is I see the light at the end of this tunnel, the top of this mountain, the silver lining in this cloud, I just hope I can make it to the light, top and silver!

Ugh ... Pray for me PLEASE!!!!